Ω

I must avoid painful feelings to be happy.
I must be secure and safe to be happy.
I must be knowledgable and independent to be happy.
I must be perfect and good to be happy.
I must be helpful and caring to be happy.
I must be high and entertained to be happy.
I must be impressive and attractive to be happy.
I must be strong and in control to be happy.

turquoise 111

You are, now, all of you, answering a call
we have said recently the call has gone out
the trumpets have been blasted
it has been called out into the universe
and now is the time.

You are going to see your reality turned upside down
you are going to see chaos
you are going to see confusion
you are fooling nobody, from the inside out

all that exists is energy, and all is one
because all is consciousness.

a certain amount of disruption or chaos
is necessary to create new order

Your World is a Direct Result Of Your Thoughts

as you, yourself grow
telepathically you effect those around
in your family, in your school systems, in your neighborhood
and then of course, within your world

in your path,what you call critical mass
when a certain number of individuals achieve a certain state of knowing
others will instantly comprehend

the 3rd dimensional experience is composed of thinking
the 4th dimensional experience is more involved with feeling

Be very gentle with yourself and your experiences
love yourself, trust yourself
there is a part of you that indeed knows what's going on
and there is a part that has no idea
and the part that has no idea, just allow it to tag along...do not judge it


- Ubiquitous Synergy Seeker.
! some perspective. I like how this whole concept works well as a song.

there is never anything good on the radio.
I've noticed that I wake up more optimistic each morning and it's all good, minus the repeating dreams every night. Yes. I have many things to look forward to. Franz Ferdinand in May. Kings of Leon and Jerry Seinfeld in April. Warped Tour/Edge Fest/Virgin? Yes. I feel happy. I don't want to break this.

I want to be a physicist.

a nodding acquaintance for me.

For now, I'm going to concentrate on accepting. Dealing with my bitterness that is obviously still raging inside me, from all the times I've made horrible mistakes, all of which I still obviously regret to this day. I thought I was okay. And at least that one talks to me although it's never enough, and, yes, I did learn my lesson two years ago but I am still trying make it alright inside.
Once in a while, things happen that make me feel like less of a person without even having to define it.
Between shattered words and shrieks, fumbling footsteps echo through the body and mind, bringing to life that old anxiousness and awakening the thoughts held between memory and conscience, figments the brain was hesitantly fighting to erase. Each breath is easier than the last until there it is: the unknown sits in peace showing some signs of oblivion. The condescending forehead with the crease that I know too well seem to mock a little less from a distance but now I'm breathing to ease the surge of asperity. It's easy to wish for a clean slate but you can never get rid of the past that is thriving inside me. Nevertheless, I wish to break the bonds that bind us to any moment, to any moment at any time.

I have anger issues. I don't deal well with unexpected problems and do not have control of my emotions. Among many other things. I'm sorry.

The time will come when,
with elation, you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other's welcome,
and say, sit here. eat.
you will love again the stranger who was your self.
give wine. give bread. give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all of your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate tones,
peel your own image from the mirror.
sit. feast on your life.
-Derek Walcott.

1/26/2009
-so today I didn't do too much, because essentially it really was just another day. I woke up late in the morning and stayed in bed with a book and didn't leave my room until I had finished it. I watched as the TV droned on The View and The Oprah Winfrey Show with my mother who made me a good salad that I had a hard time finishing. And then I did try to study for my exam, but I got distracted and haven't looked at my notes since. So I played video games and then I really got into The Strokes' 'Reptilia' so I had to find my laptop and update my iPod's music library that had gone untouched and was dead for at least ten days. Then I went to work for a few hours and it felt good because I felt needed there and my presence was appreciated. As for gifts, I somehow ended up with three pots of flowers and a fair amount of cash which made me feel like less of a person. I am somewhat ungrateful, but really I was just expecting especially them to put more thought into a gift for me. Thanks, but the money is just going to end up paying for something you would not approve of. Or I can save up a certain amount of money and buy myself something, if I ever figure out what that something might be. Car? The Pentax K200 D SLR? Prospects?
-At seventeen I don't feel lost anymore. I am sure of where I've been and where I stand and where I am headed; stupidity, instability, futility.
-I surrounded myself on this very fine day with the music of my favourite artists because they will never let me down since they don't really know how much my everything depends on them, unfortunately this advantage does not apply for everything or everyone. But anyway.